How to Say No (Especially When You Hate Saying “No”)
If you're someone who struggles to say no, you're not alone.
So many women — especially moms — carry an invisible pressure to be agreeable, available, and accommodating at all times. We don't want to let people down. We don’t want to seem rude. And sometimes, we’ve said "yes" for so long that “no” feels foreign or even selfish.
But here’s the truth: you’re allowed to say no. In fact, you need to.
So let’s talk about how to say no — even when it feels deeply uncomfortable — and why it matters more than you think.
This blog post invites you to reflect on what makes it hard for you to say no and protect your peace, encouraging you to step outside your comfort zone for your and your family’s good.
Video: 17 Things I Say No To
You can’t please everyone—nor should you! This video shows some of the ways I intentionally hold space for my personal bandwidth.
Why Is It So Hard to Say No?
If saying no feels awkward, heavy, or guilt-inducing, it's not just you. There are often deep reasons behind the discomfort:
Fear of disappointing others.
You don’t want anyone to feel let down — especially if they rely on you.Worry about being seen as rude or unkind.
We’re often taught to be “nice” before we’re taught to be honest with ourselves.Habitual people-pleasing.
You've always been the one who steps in, shows up, helps out. Saying no feels like breaking character.Fear of conflict or awkwardness.
You’d rather overextend yourself than deal with the tension of a firm boundary.
But here’s the thing: none of those fears are facts. They're just feelings. And while feelings are real and valid, they aren’t always accurate reflections of the truth.
4 Truths That Help You Say No Anyway
Here are some grounding truths to hold onto when “no” feels scary:
Saying no doesn’t make you unkind.
You can be kind and clear. Boundaries don’t require harshness — just honesty.You don’t owe everyone access to your time, energy, or presence.
Your resources are limited. That’s not something to apologize for — it’s something to honor.Every yes is a no to something else.
When you say yes out of guilt or pressure, you’re often saying no to your own peace, rest, or availability for the people who matter most.Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
In fact, when you’re learning to set boundaries, discomfort is part of the growth.
How to Actually Say No (Without Over-Explaining)
Here are a few simple phrases that help you decline with grace and confidence — especially when you’re nervous or tempted to give a long explanation:
“Thanks so much for thinking of me — I can’t commit to that right now.”
“I’m so grateful you thought of me, but I’ll have to pass. I’m really focusing on slowing down right now. I hope you have a wonderful time.”
“That sounds great, but it’s a no for me this time.”
“I don’t have the capacity to say yes this time, but I hope it’s a beautiful gathering!”
“I’m not able to, but I hope it goes well!”
“I’m in a slower season right now, so I’m saying no more often — thanks for understanding.”
You don’t owe a detailed reason. You don’t have to sound convincing. You just have to be clear.
What Saying No Can Do for Your Family
When you start protecting your time and energy, your family benefits, too. Here's how:
You’re less depleted and more present.
A mom who’s not constantly overextended can show up with more calm, patience, and attention.You model boundaries for your children.
Saying no teaches your kids that they, too, are allowed to protect their peace.You create a home culture where margin matters.
When your calendar isn’t jam-packed, there’s more space for connection, spontaneity, and joy.
The Importance of Protecting Your Peace
Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, baby showers, and the holiday season can all be so beautiful, but I know it can also feel like a lot—a whirlwind of invitations, expectations, RSVP’s, and those “just one more thing” moments.
Saying no isn’t about shutting people out or missing out on joy. It’s about protecting what matters most—your peace, your family, your values, and those quiet, sacred moments that make this season truly special.
Sometimes, it’s gentle and outward, like declining an invitation or keeping your calendar light. But there are quiet inner no’s, too—the ones we whisper to ourselves.
Saying no to going beyond your allotted budget.
Saying no to jealousy when someone else’s good news reminds you of what you lack.
Saying no to the stress and “frazzled” you that would emerge as a result of adding one more thing to your schedule.
These quiet no’s are just as powerful. They free us from the noise and create room for what truly matters.
Take a few moments to write down what matters most to you. The big picture things—being present with your family, enjoying slow, meaningful traditions—and the little details, like baking cookies with your kids or curling up with a good book on a rainy day.
When you know what matters, it becomes easier to say no to what doesn’t. A gentle no clears space for more joy.
A Gentle Reminder
Saying no isn’t about being cold or distant — it’s about being intentional. It’s about honoring your capacity and making space for the things (and people) that truly matter. You’re not being selfish. You’re being wise. And that’s a gift to you and your family.
So the next time you feel that familiar pressure to say yes when your heart says no — pause. Breathe. And choose the quiet strength of a kind, clear boundary.
As a recovering people pleaser, let me leave you with this: you are not disappointing your loved ones by saying no. You are showing up for them—and yourself—with honesty and intention. The people who matter most will understand, and those who don’t will adjust. Trust that your “no” is making space for a deeper, more peaceful kind of yes.
Sending love,
Marge